harder than i thought

September 28, 2008

we had zelda from friday at 6:30 until tonight at 7:45 when we left her at brandon and teryn’s.  she was happily playing with oslo, and i know she will be just fine at this week long puppy camp—that’s how we’re looking at it.  but leaving her there, knowing i will not see her again until friday, was harder than i thought. and for those of you inclined to say “it’s just a dog,” you should know i hate you.  “it’s” not just a dog.  SHE is our dog, the beginning of our family.  her name is zelda and she is sweet, and funny, and playful, and independent, and our dog.  and i miss her already.  


the perfect day

September 27, 2008

due to a snag with our management company—and an unpublished age requirement for pets—we will be keeping zelda on weekends while my selfless and amazing brother and sister-in-law keep her during the week and train her.  there was a moment on thursday night, well…3 hours worth of moments actually…when we thought we would not be able to get her.  i was bawling and seriously losing my mind.  everyone advised us to just get her anyway, but we really can’t afford to get evicted.  we decided to move up our home buying schedule and try to get out of here as soon as possible so we can have zelda.  it may seem strange to decide to buy a house because of a dog, but honestly, we were planning to buy in the spring anyway, and with the economy where it is, house prices at an all time low, and the evil and douchetastic behavior of our management company, well, we’re not just looking because of a dog.  

so thursday night we drove around looking at some of the houses for sale in town, and as we were looking my brother called and made the offer that un-broke my heart (thank you, toni braxton).  i will never be able to thank brandon and teryn enough.  they are amazing people, animal lovers, and GREAT with their 2 dogs.  zelda will be lucky to spend time with them as alex and i get our ducks in a row and get out of this spider/roly-poly/bad karma infested house.

so yesterday i had the day off, and i saw my husband get inducted in to the ks bar association, met my oldest friends’ new daughter, and brought zelda home.  it was the perfect day.




last night i made bierocks, hung out with my dearest friend, and watched a little snl.  it was FANTASTIC. then i put some laundry away and planned to go to bed.  planned to but couldn’t because the kids living in the house to the west of us were throwing a rager.  i went outside, stopped a couple of people in the driveway, and asked them to tell the owner to turn the music down so i could sleep.  they said ok, and i went to bed.  

fast forward an hour an a half.

at 2:30 i woke up to the sounds of yelling, screaming, and the cackling laughter of drunk jags.  in my ‘yes we can’ t-shirt, sweatpants, and flip-flops, i marched outside to tell the kids to shut the eff up.  as i rounded the corner and i saw a guy PISSING ON MY HOUSE.  here’s the script of what went down.

me: STOP pissing on my house, dude!

dude: sorry, god. (still keeps pissing)

me: (yelling to a crowd of about 15 drunk idiots around a keg) hey, everybody.  it’s 2:30 in the morning and i’m trying to sleep.  you gotta go.

assorted kids: what?  who are you?

leah: (my neighbor i hadn’t met til last night) hi, i’m leah, i live here.   i’m so sorry.

me: well, you gotta be quiet.

leah: i’ve been trying to kick people out for over an hour and they won’t leave.  i don’t know all these people, and there are 17 year olds here.

me: want me to do it?

leah: (with begging in her eyes) please!

me: (to the crowd) the girl throwing this party tried to throw you out and you didn’t go, so now i’m telling you to get out of here.

assorted kids: is she serious?  what the hell?

me:  i told you to get lost, and no one’s moving.  GO!  (a few kids scatter) some of you go to the high school i teach at.  YOU HAVE 2 MINUTES AND THEN I’M CALLING THE COPS! (more scattering)

bud: hey, i know leah, i’m 21.  can i stay after everybody else leaves?

me: not my decision, man.

leah: you’ve been great, bud, but it’s time to go. (to me) i’m so sorry.

me: we’ve all thrown parties that get out of hand.  it’s ok.  

leah: thank you so much.

me: i give people detention, i don’t care if they’re pissed at me.  

random guy: sorry we bothered you.

me: just go home.

i walked back into my house, adrenaline pumping, thinking about my total lack of hesitation to yell at a group of drunk people i’ve ever met.  being a teacher has empowered me, given me a sense of authority, and even groggy from trying to sleep i have no problem wielding the giant sword of righteous indignation. i’ve crossed over.  i am no longer the disrespectful drunk girl throwing the party, i am the pissed off woman breaking it up.  HALLELUJAH.

meet zelda

September 20, 2008

i am infatuated, in puppy love, in head over heels with this beautiful girl.  alex and i went out to see the puppies again today and picked out ours.  meet zelda.  she is half golden retriever, half yellow lab, and 100% adorable.  we both had dogs growing up but haven’t ever had one on our own, and so getting zelda has a double significance for me.  1) i have been wanting a dog forever and now she is coming home, and 2) this is something brand new for alex and i to do together.  these little experiences, these beginnings that couples share are so incredibly special.  when you embark on a new adventure you are saying yep, we’re in this together.  you and me kid, come hell or high water.  there is no one i love more than the man in this picture, and together with our new puppy we will walk through this world together.









eve ensler on sarah palin

September 17, 2008

while i am uncertain about why anyone would choose to vote FOR sarah palin, there seems to be ample reasons to vote AGAINST her, particularly if you are a free thinking woman who believes in the right to govern her own body.  her issues on sex education and roe v. wade are the sticking points for me: everything else aside, how can voting for her be a choice feminists embrace when her platform rejects the notion that women are in fact people?

i don’t know if you all have seen this, but i thought it was worth sharing.  while i do not agree with all of the points ensler makes, i am fascinated by the tone of the commentary surrounding palin’s appointment. 

(Eve Ensler, the American playwright, performer, feminist and activist best known for “The Vagina Monologues”, wrote the following about Sarah Palin. )

Drill, Drill, Drill

I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it’s their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.

I don’t like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.

But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story — connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options,
opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.

I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas
that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world.

Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.

Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God’s plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in
Palin’s view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, “It was a task from God.”

Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist’s baby or not.

She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.

Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States . She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.

Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.

Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right.  But when God and Guns come together in the public sector,when war is declared in God’s name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.

I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S. , but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans.  It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the  world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and
attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on
education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.

If the Polar Bears don’t move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, “Drill Drill Drill.” I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. Ithink of pain.

Do we want a future of drilling?
More holes in the ozone, or the floor of the sea?
More holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples?
More holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?

Eve Ensler

September 5, 2008

growing up

September 16, 2008

i recently bumped into someone who had been a close friend in the past.  it wasn’t awkward, it wasn’t sad, it was a just a chance meeting.  i know she’s had to believe a different version of the truth in order to get past what was–admittedly–a difficult time, and i accept that.  i want her to know that part of growing up means letting go, and i want to tell her she looked happier and healthier than i remember her from our last meeting.

no matter how much water rushes under this bridge, there is always going to be a part of me that wishes for her happiness, even though i know i shouldn’t be a part of her life.  we feed off of each other and we need too much from the world to feel secure, and neither of us are happy with the past behaviors of the other.  am i 100% right in my version of the truth?  i doubt it–when you are in the middle of things you rarely see the beginning and the end.  is she correct?  certainly not.  but i am growing up, and i can look past those inconsistencies enough to say have a good life.  live it for yourself. accept your role in your past unhappiness, and learn from your mistakes.  it’s the best any of us can do.

here she is (sort of)

September 14, 2008


we went to meet our soon to be puppy-child yesterday, but missed the dogs’ owners due to scheduling issues, so we didn’t pick out the exact puppy we will be getting.  but, they were all so awesome, that it doesn’t even matter.  we officially plan to name her ZELDA because we thought they all looked like they could rock that name.  so here are some pics of our future dog 🙂


too cute
too cute



brother and sisters