Just a few things

October 23, 2006

i’m pretty thrilled to be rollin with this man. i had a long weekend with the rents while he studied and played world of warcraft, yes, my husband is a gamer, and when i got home yesterday we had dinner and went about our separate business. i have to say that we spend a lot of time in the same place (our apartment) but not necc. together, and it works for us. we are a matched set, equal in so many ways and complementary. i am grateful for him and thankful to him everyday.

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there are so many people who get married, rush to have kids because it is the “next step” and then settle into lives and jobs they never examine. my brother and i were talking abotu how most of the people we went to high school with have become (or always were) complacent, apathetic automatons living a life that is more going through the motions thatn self discovery and exploration. i hope that i can be more engaged, more intrigues and impassioned about the world around me than those who share a common history.

people in the arts, writers.actors.artists.poets.directors.musicians, have a broader picture, seeing the world as a blank page, a silent space, a waiting arena upon which to play. brandon and i talked about this, too, how americans don’t play enough. we work and work and struggle and strive and forget what it’s like to be silly and unfocused and simply unproductive. i do not have to be actively marching towards a career goal to be a good person. if i want to sit at my coffee table with crayons and a coloring book and forget about the stress of my life, i do it. if i want to write stories or poems or sing songs or dance around my living room or in the aisles of department stores, i do it. i find i take myself far less seriously now than i did when i was sixteen, and i think it is because i realize that my worth does no hinge on others’ perceptions of me. i hope more start to feel this way.

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