the gender issue

May 10, 2007

i have been fortunate of late to spend some time, in person or in cyberspace, with some people  i have missed.  an old professor, a friend who is more like a brother, and my darling husband.  these three men, all different and special and magical in their own ways, are so much of what keeps me grounded.  professor confessor was never actually someone i took a class from, but instead became a lifelong friend while i was still in school.  his passion for knowledge, art, writing, theatre, music, and being good to your fellow man are irresistible qualities for a girl like me, always on the hunt for people of like minds.

my friend has been through a rocky patch but is blossoming into the strong tree of himself that i have seen since we spent our first of many late night coffe-adled chats in a dirty truckstop in the heartland.  i salute all that he is and all that he will be, proud to be a part of the life he is claiming.

for my husband there are simply not enough words, nor any sufficient.  we approach our first anniversary and each day is more complementary than the one before it.  we fit like odd pieces of broken rock, jagged and misshapen and yet so beautiful.  with each passing hour i count myself blessed to be a part of this journey of life and love with him.

i have always found it easier to maintain friendships with men than with women.  perhaps it is because friendships between women have an inherent element of competition, someone always wishing to be better at something than the other.  my friendships with women that really work are the ones where we each acknowledge one another’s separate strengths, and never tread into the others territory.  it is so sad to learn of our friends downfalls and missteps, and somehow, with women, this acquired knowledge often feels like betrayal.  i have had, and still have, some incredibly close female friends, but the people with whom i have been close for the longest periods of time are male, and i have to honor that.

to a, d, e,  j, and l, the women in my life, i can only say thank you thank you thank you for being authentically yourselves at all times.  and to my professor, my friend, my husband, to b and b and m and j and j, thank you for proving men and women can and should be friends.